Battle of the Armrest

In a country like India, with one of the largest and most extensive railway networks in the world, there is no doubt that for the less gifted, who cannot bear the brunt of a super-expensive air ticket and are prone to travel sickness like the author (Yes I’m a narcissist and I know it for referencing to myself in the third person :p ), Railways is the only option. The Indian Railways come in all flavors from 1^st class to 3^rd class, 2-tier, 3-tier and now added to the list Gareeb Rath and other assortment of trains by our ever changing railway ministers trying to woo in the innocent junta by renaming and re-renaming the age-old trains.

And just in case if it helps you feel the imagery of a situation I’m in, I’m sitting currently in an AC coach of the famous Shatabdi Express trying to link the cool AC breeze with the overcast dark rainy weather that I see through the window to my right side. Heavenly, right?! Yes I know. But the price to pay involves planning your travel even to a 300km far-off place advance in weeks, because, coming to the point, this country of ours is a place which is always hustling and bustling with people in every sphere. Stats? 2^nd most populated after China, the most densely populated after Japan. So, the chance is YOU’LL NEVER GET AN AC COACH WINDOW SEAT IF YOU PLAN TO DO THAT A WEEK BEFORE TRAVEL, unless you are a blessed in heaven god child with a window seat Tatkal seat written in golden letters in the book of your Karma.

Even in a high-profile train like Shatabdi, there are many events that keep your journey eventful (Duh) and pseudo-adventurous. It starts with the battle#1.

Battle to Board – just in case you are unfamiliar, we, here at the Incredible India do not follow the principle of letting the people alight first. So the rule#1 for survival, board the train if you have to, fist-pumping and kicking back the leaving passengers even back to their seats if you have to, until you are done finding your own seat number and keeping your luggage in place. Remember, here at Indian Railways, you passengers are the most important to us and don’t let yourself forget that. :p

After you are done boarding, it is your foremost duty now to take hold of the best window seat with the best possible view, even if it is not yours. Until the actual passenger of your seat boards and comes to you asking you at least half a dozen times to vacate the seat, it is your moral duty to wrap your ears and pretend deaf-and-dumb. I even remember a scenario, where after running half a mile to board my assigned coach at the other end of the train, I reached my window seat, just to find a dilapidated middle aged man already camping there with his 3 bags and 2 suspicious looking companions. The conversation that followed is quoted for your reference:

Me: Bhaiyya, this is my seat..

Man : (Exchanging glances with partners-in-crime) Is it?

Me : (trying to control my anger and breath) Yes, it is

Man : Ticket dikhao

Now please explain it to me, who gave this weirdo the right to snatch the job of a ticket checker, as if there is already not enough under-employment in India?!

Me : Bhaiyya please get up. This is my seat.

Man : (bored) Toh sit on it.

And folks, you would not believe, what followed was not a plain simple getting up and freeing of seat, but rather a 5-min long staring competition ending with me shouting at the top of my voice “UTHOGE TOH BAITHUNGI NA?!!!” (I’LL SIT ONLY WHEN YOU GET UP YOU FOOL!). So anyway, the moral of the story is just like earth sitting fast on the horn of an ox (Hindu mythology is awesome right :P ), it is your duty not to budge from your window seat even if it belongs to someone else.

Now there is one more battle that is more common in 1^st class and AC coaches, where the elites of the country prefer to travel reading books, newspapers and typing away on their laptops and PDAs. Yes, you did guess it right – the battle of the armrest. Trust me all the size 0-2 girls sitting out there – unless you are suffering from a hideous skin disease or a really bad body odor, the battle would be won by the fellow male passenger sitting beside you in almost 99% cases. I remember many train journeys with me sitting all shrunken up like a wet Goofy on cartoon network trying to console myself with the views outside. The battle gets all the more intense when two persons are trying to read a newspaper together. Just half an hour ago, I was trying to read a newspaper all huddled up with a teenager girl, and in the process of brushing, pushing against her hairy arm, it was like US-USSR cold war again, where requests and threats are used as a last resort.

But despite of all these hardships and adventurous battles, we Indian still love our rail journeys. I have an uncle of mine who would take the rail journey to the next station just to enjoy breakfast on a breezy day, that’s how much doting we are with respect to our rail journeys.

So, for me, Indian railways is always going to be about the adrenaline rush of boarding, the fragrance of that unhygienic but yummy aalu-poori at the platform, the views of green fields and colorful houses, and above all to enjoy the multitude of people, cultures and lifestyles while on the go.

Indian railway… do try once :-)

With love

Enigma